my uncle used to be one of those people who drove dead people to cemeteries and such
then he became a taxi driver and the person he was driving tapped his shoulder to ask a question and my uncle screamed really loud
I’m sure that’s what he thought.
(Source: leannaheart, via darrensux)
"we live in a world where women are sexualized but can’t be sexual"
— one of my late night thoughts (via sexual-feelings)
(Source: disnxy, via sexual-feelings)
My dad has 84 pairs of socks
why did you count the amount of pairs of socks that your dad has
I didn’t count, he did, then he came downstairs and announced it to the entire family
one time when I was about four, the 10 year old neighbour boys attacked me with water guns and when I ran away and told my mom she gave me the hose and set it to pressure wash and basically told me to finish what they started
my roommate just got her period and came storming into the kitchen shouting THIS IS JUST NOT AN EFFICIENT REWARD SYSTEM FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
girls: spank me i’ve been naughty
me: its okay we all make mistakes
I hate when my phone dies and I can’t get to a charger for like an hour. What happened while I was gone? Is Kate still married to William? How old is Blue Ivy? Who is the president Idk man my phone died
(Source: celsisus, via australian-government)